Music for my heart

I have mentioned several times how much music impacts my life. It’s a great source to help focus me, lift my spirits, enhance a mood and more.

I have also mentioned how much lyrics mean to me. Sure, I have my personal taste of music I am naturally drawn to- which is Christian Rock; but lately I tend to be pulled towards lyrics that I can related to…rock or not.

This morning I woke up with a very heavy heart. I went to what comforted me- my ipod. I let my heart choose the music.

I needed to be reminded of God’s promises to me, Just like Abraham in the Bible.

God gave Abraham promises that his descendants would be more numerous than the sands on the seashore. He was given this promise when he had NO  descendants. His wife was barren and unable to have children. It didn’t seem possible.

Sometimes I feel like my dreams are barren.

Years later, God was passing by where Abraham and Sarah lived. He stopped and ate a meal with them. God reminded Abraham of the promise He had made him. Sarah was 89 years old and still without a child. She was in the tent preparing dinner and overheard God telling Abraham that He would give him a son.

Sarah laughed. Surely God was kidding. He made that promise to Abraham over 15 years earlier and still they had no child. Now she had overheard God say that within a year she would be a mother? She was way past the child rearing age. God must be crazy, and wrong.

God has placed dreams in my life.

Life happened and my dreams seemed to fizzle out.

Recently, God met me in the secret places of my heart and reminded me that He still has a plan and purpose for my life.

Silently, I laugh. I feel like God must be crazy. I am past the age of birthing dreams, surely.

At least ten years have passed since  I had two specific minds eye visions if you will, that took root into my heart. What were they? Well..

One involved me sitting the the backseat of a car, sitting there, – dressed up, alone and praying silently telling God “I can not do this without you.” I don’t know who was driving the car. I know it’s a town car. I know I am in New York.  Beyond that, I know nothing else.

The second, I am somewhere in third world country. I am talking to a lot of people. I know what I am wearing. Black pants and a turquious shirt.  Beyond that I know nothing else.

For some reason these thoughts have been haunting me. In my heart I know it’s not simply a design of my imagination, but rather a glimpse into a piece of my future.

I don’t know why. Doubt has been creeping in and telling me it was all just my imagination. But why would my imagination just stop there…why wouldn’t I go ahead and image the rest of the scenarios???  In my heart I honestly don’t believe it was my imagination.

Are those glimpses reminders of promises or figments of my imagination? Sometimes, I can’t find the defining line.

Maybe God is stopping by my heart again to remind me of promises that He has made me…..Right now, I feel very inadequate. I feel very fragile and as if I am not able to live up to who God has created me to be.

I don’t have anything theologically deep to add here.. I just have fragments of my brokenness to lay before you the reader. God knows my heart and He knows how it feels broken right now regarding this.

I mentioned earlier how music impacts me. Sometimes there are songs that serve better as a prayer. Today, I think I know just what song I need to “pray” before my creator…it defines exactly where my heart is… this is my hearts cry out to my creator today.

Already Home- by Thousand Foot Krutch.

The trouble with truth is it never lies
And the trouble with wrong’s
That it’s never right
So I rest my head under Your light
The trouble with peace, is it never fights
And the trouble with love’s
That it’s always blind
I want to walk to the edge of it
Tonight, and I fall down

I am on my knees
‘Cause You’re everything I need
And I’ve made a mess of myself
On my own
Now I am on my face
And I’m calling out Your name
And I won’t run away
‘Cause I’m already home

The trouble with tears is that they dry
And the trouble within
Made me wanna cry
I’ve never felt so much like I’m alive
I wanna open my eyes and see Your face
If I have to wait a thousand days
I’ll still be right here, right next to You
And I fall down

And I know I haven’t always been
Where You wanted me
I’m standin’ here, arms out
Broken down
Before you

What about you? Do you feel like Sarah today- do you feel as if God won’t be able to do all that He has promised you?

My advice, lay it before Him…in prayer, even if it’s in the form of a song, or tears….just let Him know. He hasn’t forgotten us…no matter how it may seem.

Thanks for listening into a piece of my heart today.

Until next time,

See ya on the Random Side,

Aj Luck

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