I went to my Women’s small group this morning at church. It was good. Insightful and heartwarming.
I met another person who is passionate about writing. She is working on a junior adult novel.
I met another person who has dreams and aspirations to be a singer/ songwriter.
Another girl has a dream of one day owning her own photography studio.
As I sat back and listened to them, I felt encouraged individually for all of them. I wanted to cheer them on and tell them they could do it. I wanted to, and tried to edify them and show them that their passions and talents were God given. It came easy to me to find the silver lining within their doubts of their dreams and ambitions.
When it comes to me….it is a little more difficult.
One of the comments that came out of today’s discussion was on the lines of “ I have great ideas and have thought about doing.. X Y Z (insert topic/ talent etc. here) but then I look around and think – it’s already been done a million times over so I will just let them take care of it.”
My first thought….was “NO! God is a creator and there is a unique part of Him in each of us that the other doesn’t have. It takes all of us together to make up the amazingness of God….”
It was a good thought, a strong thought….I meant that thought….but I didn’t say it.
I didn’t want to sound cliché. Besides….I wouldn’t want to be responsible for having to take my own advice……
We are currently talking about a series at church about Faith, Hope and Love. Yesterday they talked about Moses. I think Moses and I would have come to be good friends. I really do. I can relate with him. He talked to God and God told him to go and lead God’s people out of Egypt. Moses spent a lot of conversational time telling God why he couldn’t do it – including listing all of his short comings and faults, his failures and fears and had a very strong argument. I have had the same arguments with God myself.
The problem with arguing with God…is eventually…He always wins….
I have been struggling with my writing….so..thus begins the arguments…
Dear God- I don’t have the ability. I can’t handle the rejections. I don’t know where to begin. I don’t know who to talk to. I don’t know how to do this. I am afraid I will fail. What if this isn’t what you want……yada yada yada.
He smiles and listens… I argue. He hugs me. I argue. He smiles again and nods a gigantic YES… I argue. I tremble in fear and then He hits me with this…
“Apart from Me you can do nothing.- If you are rejected, they are not rejecting you, they are simply rejecting me…and I am big enough to handle it. TRUST ME to work in and through you to accomplish my plans and purposes for your life”
I know that God gives talents. He doesn’t give us talents to dangle around and play with like yo- yo’s. He doesn’t give us gifts and talents for pure entertainment value, yet there is some enjoyment and sense of fulfillment when one is doing what they love. (kind of like a bonus feature.)
It’s always for Him. It’s always about Him getting the credit and the glory and being honored out of it….ALWAYS. (but then there is always the issue of if we will actually YIELD our talents to HIM….. another blog..another day…)
One of the phrases that I seem to have been hearing over and over again in this current series is “God will bring you to a ledge and say….GO AHEAD JUMP!”
NO…not a literal ledge…that would be suicide and that is never a good option.
It’s the proverbial leap of faith…..go ahead and take that giant step of faith forward into the unknown….TRUST and JUMP.
I feel like a see saw.
When I was a little girl I remember taking swimming lessons at the local recreational center. I remember the day when we were to face “the deep water…” where we had to stand on the diving board. (the small one- not even the really tall high up one.) I stood there and shook like a leaf. I looked at the deep- 7 ft water. I tried not to shake too hard because then the board would wobble and unstable diving board movement was NOT what I needed at that moment.
One second I would say “ok..okay. I got this. I can do this. I know how to swim. Just jump.”
Then next I would turn around and look at that never ending walk back down the diving board, back to those glorious metal steps to my concrete safety….
Then next I heard all the kids… “COME ON! JUMP ALREADY!”
Jump. Run. Jump. Curl up on board and die. Close my eyes, click my heels three times and say there is no place like home, there is no place like home…..
Eventually I jumped.
AFRAID
But I jumped.
I am on that diving board right now. I am vacillating between jumping off my proverbial ledge or diving board into the deep things of God…..or running back to comfort…..the problem is the comfort is starting to stir up a bit and making me ….well, uncomfortable.
I can get all super spiritual and use church lingo and explain all of this away…but it’s much easier to use my brain…my GOD GIVEN common sense and realize that life moves in forward motions. I know that things change. I know opportunities present themselves….but I also know that God is bigger than mere chance and opportunities.
I know that things will eventually get more and more uncomfortable until I stop fighting change and just allowing it to happen…trusting God really IS in control and stop using it as a mere catch phrase or band aid to cover up the obvious.
Know what I mean….
Thanks for listening in.
Until next time,
Aj
(tune in tomorrow and read all about the joys of my recent field trip to the dentist for what they called an “emergency root canal” It had NOTHING TO DO WITH TREES!
I WAS SHOCKED!
: D
